Horoscopes and Psychos
Humorous horoscopes and funny doom, astrological forecasts, comedy fortunes and psychotic predictions.
Little-Known Prophecies of Nostradamus
From your Guide, a certifiable history nut, new research reveals Nostradamus' startling 16th century predictions which became reality in the recent past.
From your Guide, a certifiable history nut, new research reveals Nostradamus' startling 16th century predictions which became reality in the recent past.
Good Heavens!
Cracked visions from the seer of "Zug."
Cracked visions from the seer of "Zug."
I'm Seeing Stars
Wacky weekly horoscopes by Celeste Hubble.
Wacky weekly horoscopes by Celeste Hubble.
Jimbo the Psychic Deaf Mute Sideshow Dummy
Jimmy's no dumbo. And he has a heart of sap.
Jimmy's no dumbo. And he has a heart of sap.
Loserscopes
You sad, pathetic thing. Here's your early warning forecast, from ''The Comedy Lab.''
You sad, pathetic thing. Here's your early warning forecast, from ''The Comedy Lab.''
Misfortune Cookies
Virtual bad news, but at least you get a cookie (that you can't eat).
Virtual bad news, but at least you get a cookie (that you can't eat).
Bad Cookie
Negative, random fortunes from Krug.org may be an acquired taste. Mine said: "You have an ugly heart and are well despised." Hey, listen here, Cookie, my heart is cute!
Negative, random fortunes from Krug.org may be an acquired taste. Mine said: "You have an ugly heart and are well despised." Hey, listen here, Cookie, my heart is cute!
Change Your Star Sign
Thanks to the Monty Python chaps, trade in your old Virgo, Pisces, or Capricorn-type astrological signs for something trendy like a frog, a bucket, or a lumberjack! Adult content.
Thanks to the Monty Python chaps, trade in your old Virgo, Pisces, or Capricorn-type astrological signs for something trendy like a frog, a bucket, or a lumberjack! Adult content.
Daily Humorscope, The
These predictions are very whimsical, but ridiculously fabricated. Well, except the ones that come true.
These predictions are very whimsical, but ridiculously fabricated. Well, except the ones that come true.
Karma Central
Weekly horoscopes are only part of the astrological guidance from Comedy Central. Seers also respond to email questions in the All Mail Review. Plus, there are Dream Interpretations.
Weekly horoscopes are only part of the astrological guidance from Comedy Central. Seers also respond to email questions in the All Mail Review. Plus, there are Dream Interpretations.
Perry the Postal Worker's Astrological Forecast
I thought Perry was nuts 'til he predicted "today you will sue David Hasslehoff for hoarding the world's cheese supply." Bravo and thanks, Funny Firm! Free feta for everyone!
I thought Perry was nuts 'til he predicted "today you will sue David Hasslehoff for hoarding the world's cheese supply." Bravo and thanks, Funny Firm! Free feta for everyone!
This Week's Horoscopes
"The Onion" presents the caring observations of retired machinist Lloyd Schumner Sr. At least, that is what I foresee for you.
"The Onion" presents the caring observations of retired machinist Lloyd Schumner Sr. At least, that is what I foresee for you.
Top 10 Signs You Have a Bad Psychic Advisor
From "Late Show With David Letterman."
From "Late Show With David Letterman."
Top 10 Signs You're Talking to a Bad Phone Psychic
From "Late Show With David Letterman."
From "Late Show With David Letterman."