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8 Hilarious Christmas Raps


There's a Christmas version of everything. A Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas dairy drinks, Christmas mass, Christmas candy, Christmas lights, Christmas News Hour with Jim Lehrer. So of course, rap is no exception. But the juxtaposition of the warm, family cuddliness of the Christmas season and the "freshness" of rap (to borrow some early '90s slang for a moment) means that Christmas raps must by definition carry some camp value or inherent irony. It's like rapping about Gerber's baby food or Snow White. So here's eight videos that take full advantage of the natural absurdity of the Christmas rap.

1. Mother Nature Holiday Rap

Image courtesy of YouTube

Canadians as a whole are not known for their rapping skills, despite the proximity of the nation to Detroit and the ascendant Ontarian rapper Shad. I mean, try to imagine Geddy Lee rapping. I'm imagining it right now and it's hysterical. But that disadvantage doesn't stop these two from expressing their frustration with Canada's winter weather via rap. Dangerously catchy.

2. I Rock Onesies

Image courtesy of YouTube

This song isn't really about Christmas, but there is a Christmas tree in the video. And it's amazing. So here is a tribute to the coolest, most gangsta variety of pajamas which does not mention Christmas in the lyrics. Deal with it.

3. Beat Street: Santa's Rap

Image courtesy of YouTube
In this clip from the 1984 film Beat Street, Santa and two poor kids (all portrayed by the rap group Treacherous Three) rap-argue over St. Nick's competency in spreading Christmas joy, while some nutcrackers pull of sweet (?) '80s dance moves. High camp value.

4. Ce-Real Christmas Rap 2007

Parody rap group Ce-Real performs a self-aggrandizing rap about Christmas, featuring their signature yuletide dance move, the Christmas Clap. [Insert self-authoring gonorrhea joke here.]

5. Amsterdam Christmas

Image courtesy of YouTube
You ever wonder how they celebrate Christmas in the Netherlands? No? Well, it's pretty insane. I can't really get into it here, but for a primer, watch this parody of Run D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" from Amsterdam-based comedy troupe Boom Chicago, wherein Sinterklaas's helper the Black Peter bemoans his holiday duties.

6. White Christmas Rap

Image courtesy of YouTube
This video opens with Batman fighting the Joker, who plans to plunge New York into chaos by denying it a Christmas-themed Broadway musical. Enter Phil Davis, protagonist of Irving Berlin's White Christmas, to save the day by promoting the musical's run on Broadway with a parody of Eminem's "Without Me". Weird.

7. That's Christmas

Image courtesy of YouTube
This rap will teach you exactly what things "Are Christmas". And I don't mean to alarm any traditionalists, but I don't think Jesus's birth is mentioned. This funny, well-edited, and bizarre video is almost like a lost SNL Digital Short. One of the guys even kind of looks like Andy Samberg.

8. All I Want For Christmas

Image courtesy of YouTube
Words fail me, so I'll just throw a few out: "Eclectic." "Incomprehensible." "Amazing." "Inexplicable." "Fat Guy."

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