There's a Christmas version of everything. A Charlie Brown Christmas, Christmas dairy drinks, Christmas mass, Christmas candy, Christmas lights, Christmas News Hour with Jim Lehrer. So of course, rap is no exception. But the juxtaposition of the warm, family cuddliness of the Christmas season and the "freshness" of rap (to borrow some early '90s slang for a moment) means that Christmas raps must by definition carry some camp value or inherent irony. It's like rapping about Gerber's baby food or Snow White. So here's eight videos that take full advantage of the natural absurdity of the Christmas rap.

Image courtesy of YouTubeCanadians as a whole are not known for their rapping skills, despite the proximity of the nation to Detroit and the ascendant Ontarian rapper Shad. I mean, try to imagine Geddy Lee rapping. I'm imagining it right now and it's hysterical. But that disadvantage doesn't stop these two from expressing their frustration with Canada's winter weather via rap. Dangerously catchy.

Image courtesy of YouTubeThis song isn't really about Christmas, but there is a Christmas tree in the video. And it's amazing. So here is a tribute to the coolest, most gangsta variety of pajamas which does not mention Christmas in the lyrics. Deal with it.

Image courtesy of YouTubeIn this clip from the 1984 film
Beat Street, Santa and two poor kids (all portrayed by the rap group Treacherous Three) rap-argue over St. Nick's competency in spreading Christmas joy, while some nutcrackers pull of sweet (?) '80s dance moves. High camp value.
Parody rap group Ce-Real performs a self-aggrandizing rap about Christmas, featuring their signature yuletide dance move, the Christmas Clap. [Insert self-authoring gonorrhea joke here.]

Image courtesy of YouTubeYou ever wonder how they celebrate Christmas in the Netherlands? No? Well, it's pretty insane. I can't really get into it here, but for a primer, watch this parody of Run D.M.C.'s "Christmas in Hollis" from Amsterdam-based comedy troupe Boom Chicago, wherein Sinterklaas's helper the Black Peter bemoans his holiday duties.

Image courtesy of YouTubeThis video opens with Batman fighting the Joker, who plans to plunge New York into chaos by denying it a Christmas-themed Broadway musical. Enter Phil Davis, protagonist of Irving Berlin's
White Christmas, to save the day by promoting the musical's run on Broadway with a parody of Eminem's "Without Me". Weird.

Image courtesy of YouTubeThis rap will teach you exactly what things "Are Christmas". And I don't mean to alarm any traditionalists, but I don't think Jesus's birth is mentioned. This funny, well-edited, and bizarre video is almost like a lost SNL Digital Short. One of the guys even kind of looks like Andy Samberg.

Image courtesy of YouTubeWords fail me, so I'll just throw a few out: "Eclectic." "Incomprehensible." "Amazing." "Inexplicable." "Fat Guy."