My wife has been dragging me all over the state to see arts and crafts shows. For two months, it was like I was living in "The Stepford Wives," hearing seas of women go, "How darling! How darling! How darling!"

Top 10 Discoveries at Country Arts and Crafts Festivals
Monday, November 11 :: 12:15 a.m. :: permalink

10. You just can't smell too much cinnamon-scented crap.

9. They must be artists, because they can write words on a board -- and sell it.

8. Leftover Slushee and pork skins? Make a birdhouse!

Add funnel cake, you've got a granny bonnet!

7. Two hours, six minutes: My tolerance for "whimsical."

6. By noon, potties smell like crap-scented cinnamon.

5. How did I live this long without a gourd purse?

4. Clog dancers are perfection for cockroach problem in basement.

3. Eating my weight in fried Twinkies is nauseating, but my new shelf life is October, 2099.

2. Break open caramel turtle, find belly full of nougat flies.

And the number one discovery at country arts and crafts festivals ...

Hillbilly Music Show Physics: The worse the act, the bigger the hat.


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.