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Fur
Sure
Saturday, April 27 :: 12:59 p.m. :: link
:: I solved my cat's hairball
problem. Stain remover with conditioner.
:: Current mood: feline groovy
:: Current music: Meow Mix
jingle
Friday, April 26 :: 11:34 a.m. :: link
Questions asked by fridayfive.org
:: 1. What are your hobbies? Why? Is my zipper open
again?
2. Do you collect anything? Dust.
3. Is there a hobby you're interested in, but just don't have the
time/money to do? Yes, Grace Kelly in 1954.
4. Have you ever turned a hobby into a moneymaking opportunity?
What are you, a pimp?
5. Besides Web-related stuff (burbs, rings, etc.), what clubs do
you belong to? The Mickey Mouse Club, The Clean Plate Club, American taxpayer.
Lord
of the Flies
Thursday, April 25 :: 1:14 a.m. :: link
:: Living in a rural area has
numerous advantages. One is free garbage processing. The only hitch is I must chauffeur
the trash to the dump, where a cranky-tempered little man glares from the shadows of his
tiny shack to oversee every bag and Popsicle stick tossed.
Twice per week for three years, when I
removed the debris from the car, I smiled and waved at his mysterious presence and
disdain. I never failed to greet him with a cordial "Hi" and exit spouting an
exuberant "Thanks!" Once I threw in a "Cheerio, Squire" to brighten
his day.
In return, nothing. In more than 300
visits, he not so much as grunted or nodded in my direction until I made it a point to
wear my Bilbo Baggins feet. Now I can't shut him up.
:: Current mood: huge hoofed,
if you catch my winks.
:: Current music: all Barry
White, all the time.
The
Plan
Wednesday, April 24 :: 8:31 a.m. :: link
©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.
Hair
Weenie
Tuesday, April 23 :: 6:25 p.m. :: link
:: Because I botched my hair, I
went to the stylist. She's been nudging me to color it and, today, I caved.
"Alright!" I said. "But
not obvious -- and just highlights."
So, she streaked my armpits.
:: Current mood: GQ
:: Current music: "Too
Sexy for My Shirt"
Monday, April 22 :: 4:35 p.m. :: link
Questions asked by fridayfive.org
:: Friday, I was busy splashing
upstream for my life ("Stories From the
Panic Room"). Here are the week's questions.
By the way, I lived.
1. What's your favorite TV show and why? I like "The Pillsbury Doughboy
Show." Most of the episodes are 30 seconds long, so there's never the threat of a
Rosie O'Donnell tune or an angel touching.
I can throw in a tape at 6:29:30 and be
done in time for dinner.
That reminds me, I fell asleep during
last night's show. I wonder, did the cookies come out of the oven?
My wife only watches Home and Garden
Television. Her favorite series is earth tones.
2. Who is your favorite television star? Poppin Fresh, the Pillsbury Doughboy,
although he thinks I bite.
Meanwhile, over at HGTV, my wife's
favorite star is caulk.
3. What was your favorite TV show as a child? "The Pillsbury Doughboy
Show!" In those days, the episodes lasted 60 seconds. They were epics, went on
forever, but my mom wouldn't let me stay up late to see the endings.
My child bride's favorite? "House
Party."
4. What show do you think should have been cancelled by now? "Dragnet."
My god, they're all dead. It's time.
5. What new show do you hope escapes the axe this season? "Greg the
Bunny," although it's a little bit disappointing. Maybe I'd let them axe a rabbit's
foot.
:: Current mood: tollhousy
:: Current music: hoo-hoos
Stories From the
Panic Room
Those gaspingly tense
adventures start here, then scroll up.
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Unless noted, all content
written and copyright ©2002 by Mike Durrett. All rights reserved. I want a book deal,
dammit.
Comedy is
in the mind of the beholder. Proceed at your own risk.
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