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Dateline: 04/08/99


THE
MIKE DURRETT SHOW

Today's Episode:
More Wacky
Web Page Filters & Translators
or
How to Be Ha-lingual

Recently, we had fun with The Dialectizer, transforming normal Web sites into something quite different with a simple click of the mouse. That exercise generated such positive response, I thought we'd doodle with other filters and translators readily available on the Net. Besides, my bus won't be along for awhile and Nickelodeon never shows Shakespeare in Puppy Love, so I've got the time.

Later, that same article...                                      

Okay, I'm back from the mine. It's dank in there today! I ran into those rabid dancing hamsters again. Them little guys hog the show, don't they? Woo, boy! I was in the mood for some Lambadaing gerbils, BUT NO-OOO! Be glad we mine the Net so you don't have to.

I did find bunches of cool links; in fact, for easy access, I've collected them together into a new department. I'll add more sites to the list, Web Page Filters & Translators, as they become available. You must be this tall to ride.

The magical process of using filters is very simple. Visit the locations, enter the address of the Web page to be modified, and alter a site's appearance quickly, freely, and with minimal bloodshed.

In the interest of time and space, for demonstration purposes, I've selected a few of the many filters available in our NetLinks. I'll visit these sites with samples of this article (from above) for comparison, do the translations, and paste the results below. I promise not to alter the text in any way.

Let's play...

AltaVista Translations Results:                              

From English to German:

" okay, bin ich zurück von der Grube. Sie ist innen dort heute dank! Ich traf jene rasenden tanzenden Hamster wieder. Sie kleines Halteseilschwein das Erscheinen, nicht sie? Flehen Sie, Junge an! Ich war in der Stimmung für etwas gerbils Lambadaing, ABER in NO-OOO! Seien Sie wir gewinnen das Netz froh, also Sie nicht müssen.

" ich fand Bündel der kühlen Links; tatsächlich für einfachen Zugriff, habe ich sie zusammen in eine neue Abteilung gesammelt. Ich füge mehr Sites der Liste, den 4web pagefiltern u. den Übersetzern hinzu, wie sie vorhanden werden. Sie müssen dieses sein, das hoch ist zu reiten. "

And back again, the same, from German to English:

" okay, are I back from the pit. It is inside there today owing to! I met those racing dancing hamsters again. It small cord pig the appearance, not it? Flehen it, boy on! I was in the tendency for something gerbils Lambadaing, BUT in NO-OOO! You are not we win the network gladly, thus you must

" I found bundles of the cool left; actually for simple access, I collected her together into a new department. I add more Sites of the list, the 4web PAGE-FILTER and the compilers/translators in addition, how they become available. They must be this, are high to ride "

I'm getting a migraine.

Now, turn your Swatches back to 1983...

Valley URL Results:                                              

"...I thought we'd totally have some fun with other filters and translators readily available on the Net. Besides, my bus totally won't be along for awhile and Nickelodeon never shows Shakespeare in Puppy Love, so I've got the time.

"I had this totally bitchin' time last night! Like, me and Lisa, we went to the arcade and we met these two totally awesome bohunks and they asked if we'd wanna party with them and like, I'm SO sure, we said yes. So they ditched their dweeb friend that was with them and we went to their place and got totally trashed.

"Anyway... Later, that same article...                       

"Okay, I'm back from the mine. It's dank in there today! Like, oh my gawd! I ran into those rabid dancing hamsters again Like, them little dweebs hog the show, totally don't they? Like, I am so sure! Woo, boy! Like, oh my gawd! I was like, you know, in the mood for some Lambadaing gerbils, BUT NO-OOO! Like, oh my gawd! Be glad like we mine the Net so you totally don't totally have to.

"I did find bunches of bitchin' links; in fact, for easy access, I've collected them together into a studly department. I'll add more sites to the list, Web Page Filters & Translators, as they like, you know, totally turn into available. Like, duh! You must be this tall to ride."

You'll never know the sheer joy I experience having you see me quoted as drooling over "totally awesome bohunks." I think it's official. Today I am a proud man.

Like, I'm SO sure.

Zippy (the Pinhead) Meets Meta-HTML Results:   

"...Okay, I'm back from the mine. It's dank in there today! I ran into those rabid dancing hamsters again. I fill MY industrial waste containers with old copies of the ``WATCHTOWER'' and then add HAWAIIAN PUNCH to the top.. They look NICE in the yard-- Them little guys hog the show, don't they? Woo, boy! I was in the mood for some Lambadaing gerbils, BUT NO-OOO! Be glad we mine the Net so you don't have to.

"I did find bunches of cool links; in fact, for easy access, I've collected them together into a new department. I'll add more sites to the list, Web Page Filters & Translators, as they become available. I have a very good DENTAL PLAN. Thank you. You must be this tall to ride."

I guess I shouldn't be surprised; but Zippy makes absolute, reasonable sense to me.

Poot Poot Results:                                                 

"...I poot we'd poot poot fun poot poot poot and poot poot poot on the Net. Poot, my bus won't be poot for poot and Pootpoot poot poot Pootpoot in Poot Poot, so I've got the poot.

"Poot, poot poot poot...                                          

"Poot, I'm poot poot the poot. It's poot in poot poot! I ran poot poot poot poot poot poot. Poot poot poot hog the poot, don't poot? Woo, boy! I was in the poot for poot Pootpoot poot, BUT NO-OOO! Be poot we poot the Net so you don't poot to.

"I did poot poot of poot poot; in poot, for poot poot, I've poot poot poot poot a new poot. I'll add poot poot to the poot, Web Poot Poot & Pootpoot, as poot poot poot. You poot be poot poot to poot."

My showbiz instincts tell me that's the end.


To see something even more peculiar, translate this page into one of the following tongues, through The Dialectizer:
Redneck | Cockney | Elmer Fudd
Swedish Chef | Jive | Pig Latin | Moron


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