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Dateline: 03/11/99
THE MIKE DURRETT SHOW Today's
Episode: |
As your Guide to Humor, I'll be the first to admit some of my meanderings on these pages do not make much sense -- not in English, my mother tongue, anyway. Forgive me, I do the best I can.
So, since I very well may be humor impaired, I've secured special assistance to translate my columns, putting a definitely enhanced comedic spin on them.
I'd say that's a pretty considerate and heroically magnanimous gesture on my part. I may not be much of a writer; but I am a humble humanitarian. No need to thank me.
And, please, no more plantings in my name in the Virgin Islands.
My wife ain't taking the hint; and I can't see the fairest for the trees.
Okay, here's the deal. You are now able to read my most current feature story -- the one that appears at the top of the "In the Spotlight" selections on the Welcome/Home page -- in its original English (reasonable facsimile) or completely translated into:
Redneck
Cockney
Elmer
Fudd
Swedish
Chef
Jive
Pig
Latin
Moron
I'm so proud. My career has gone international. Now I can be unfunny in eight languages.
These translations are made possible by permission of The Dialectizer from Samuel Stoddard at RinkWorks. The Dialectizer will also take most any Web site of your choice and translate it into the various languages above, except English. You're on your own there.
Plus, you may type in any plain text copy and have it Dialectized immediately for easy grins and/or emailing.
Be advised, once you enter a chosen dialect's zone, your Net session could continue in that language as long as you click links on a Dialectized page. Yep. To return to the real world, simply hit your browser's "Back" button until you escape, or land on this document ready to chose a different dialect.
Of course, these modern translator marvels are for demonstration and fun purposes only. No harm is intended. Since none of my wordings are pre-planned (ha, are you kidding?) with The Dialectizer in mind, who knows what might pop up in the conversions.
Please do not proceed if you might be offended. Nobody wants that to happen. Anything, however, is possible.
Be advised these translations are not actually posted on the Internet. By your selection and request, through your own superhuman cognizant powers, you command the translations to occur at a given moment for your temporary viewing. The Dialectizer retrieves my English Web page and goes to work. My Web page, believe it or not, is never altered. What you'll see is a wacky illusion!*
The responsibility to choose and view these items falls on you -- not me, not The Mining Co., not The Dialectizer, not our advertisers, not Bill Clinton.
Beauty, huh?
To see examples of the magic at work, this column is ready and eager for translation. Click the links below to compare the different results available. (The similar links above will always access the most current feature article.)
Redneck|Cockney|Elmer
Fudd|Swedish
Chef|Jive|
Pig
Latin|Moron| The Original English
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for future translations:
http://humor.about.com/library/weekly/aa031199.htm
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*Attention Claudia Schiffer: Do not stalk me.