:: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services says: "Colonoscopy lets the physician look inside your entire large intestine, from the lowest part, the (you know), all the way up through the colon to the lower end of the small intestine." A long, long, lloonnnnnnnggg, flexible roving tube is inserted with a teensy light, camera, and blower. Let's get naked!

Top 12 Joys During a Colonoscopy Examination
Friday, October 18 :: 8:31 p.m. :: permalink

12. The pre-show cleansing -- known at my house as "The Bottomless Spit."

11. There's nothing to hit the fan.

10. Anal probe makes you eligible for guest appearance on "South Park."

9. Crack navigation provides little chance of colliding with iceberg.

8. Zany rectal air hose makes you feel you can fly over Macy's parade.

7. Any loose change found is yours!

6. Sedatives hallucination transforms doctor into Jim Henson and you're a Muppet.

5. Don't need to wear dress-up clothes to get pictures taken. Eight-by-10s and wallets prescribed and autographed by physician.

4. That's you on the video monitor -- and, no, you don't have tunnel vision.

3. Intestinal muscle spasms taped for MTV.

2. You have a textbook colon. The bad news: You can only use a school potty.

And the number one joy during a colonoscopy examination:

Medical team refers to you as "The Outback Snakehouse."


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.