Top 10 Surprises at an Olivia Newton-John Concert
Tuesday, September 24 :: 10:12 p.m. :: link

:: 10. "Grease"d $49 a ticket.

9. Amphitheater replaced deadly mosquitoes with West Nile dingoes.

8. Intoxicated teenage koalas puking in aisle.

7. Olivia still sunny. Baby Boomer crowd foggy with occasional showers.

6. She ages gracefully with updated lyrics: "Hopelessly Devoted to Youth," "Let's Get a Physical," and "Have You Never Gummed Jell-O."

5. "Dolphin Song" nowhere to be heard. Souvenir prices slashed for Blowout Blowholes.

4. Olivia refers to kisses from John Travolta as "throw another Barbarino on the shrimp."

3. By second tune, homeless village constructed in mosh pit.

2. The irony in my rendition of "You're the One That I Want, Oo! Oo! Oo!" at the urinal.

Followed by a standing ovation.

And the number one surprise at the Olivia Newton-John concert:

Only took three minutes, nine seconds to spot the black guy in the audience.


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved.