Snack Food for Thought
Thursday, April 11 :: 5:19 p.m. :: link

:: What Snack Food Are You?


Used by permission

My results to this questionnaire read: "Spongy, yellow, and an utter mystery, you're the X-file of snack foods! More people ponder you than consume you, but you don't mind -- you get to remain uneaten and ... er ... free to do Twinkish things!"

Those are the nicest words anyone's ever said to me. Most of them are true, too, especially "spongy" and "yellow." Give me 10 dollars and don't hit.

Actually, I have done "Twinkish things." In 1995, I appeared as the beloved Twinkies' Bob in the motion picture "101 Facts From the Book of Twinkie Knowledge." The character fell to me when everyone from Sir John Gielgud to Kathy Bates became unavailable and hostile.

Be it beyond me to brag, but my performance was so haunting, to this day I hear the ghost of Lord Olivier sobbing.

I found myself transported across America to Hollywood, riding that Twinkies' Bob juggernaut for all it was worth. I attended The Golden Twinkies Awards, a film competition sponsored by the manufacturer. Our movie grabbed the Best Comedy trophy.

As I sat inside the cavernous Grauman's (Mann's) Chinese Theatre, palace to the kings and queens of cinema and sometimes their pool boys, I watched myself projected onto the giant screen and I could think only one thought, "I wonder if they sell Dots."

Twinkies' Bob remains my defining role. That's the one they don't remember me for.

:: Current mood: creamy, filled
:: Current music: “You Ought to Be in Pictures”


Copyright ©2002 Mike Durrett. All rights reserved. I want a book deal, dammit.