Insanity Claus: Santa Goes Nuts
by Mike Durrett

Santa Catch Presents Game
At first glance, Daddy Christmas doesn't seem so dopey; then, you realize he's roaming outdoors in the middle of the night in that same ol' crappy red suit, swooping up the storm of toys and packages falling inexplicably from the sky.

Okay, you could argue his sleigh is flying around without him and the airborne reindeer are pelting the old guy with undelivered gifts, but where in the hell are the descending jack-o-lanterns coming from?

Hey, I've been to Vacation Bible School. I know the difference between Halloween and Christmas. Halloween is nearly two months before Christmas! Jack-o-lantern season is long kaput. And here's the tricky part: Reindeer can't strike matches or Zippo lighters. They have no thumbs! (I think that's in Matthew or Deuteronomy.) So, who lit the candles inside these pumpkin bombs, hmmm?

Santa's nuts, I tell ya. He's hallucinating. I think Jim Beam is his co-pilot.

You can save the holiday by helping St. Nick grab the presents before they hit the ground in this endeavor from Santa.com.

When you're done, please make a financial contribution and let's send him over to the Sam's Club or Penney's to buy some Wranglers and Keds and a man's coat...