Humor Daily Surprise!
That's Gross Week
THE MIKE DURRETT SHOW and Tell
Entertainment, Jokes
and Fun
10/30/99
Before continuing our Cavalcade of Cringe, I must admit I learned something yesterday while perusing my dog-eared print-out of Furniture Porn.
I think I'm in love with my Ottoman.
It's caused quite a bit of jealousy at the house. My recliner's all bent out of shape. I sense her vibrations are distant.
Ha! ha! Ladies and gentlemen, if I may step out of character for a paragraph or three.... Good day. How are you? Thank you for coming.
Furniture Porn, of course, is a satire. So, by association, when I implied I had a certain predilection for close encounters of the upholstered kind, I, too, was being whimsical, paradoxical, and that disarming happy-go-nutsy chucklehead you've grown to tolerate negligibly with undiminished rancor.
The truth be known, I've thrived 18.66 exhilarating years in the arms of my only bride, without me so much as kissing another woman or Adirondack lawn swing.
Thank you.
I seldom steal winsome glances at the armoires in Penney's either. (I'm a leg man.)
And, okay, perhaps I do own a few more corduroy sofa pillows and metal folding church school chairs (beige) than the court of public opinion allows.
Is there anything wrong with that? Huh? Really, I'm serious. Can't we all get alawnswing--
Damn! I meant "along." Can't we all get along?
Thank you.
And now, the Humor Daily Surprise! Today, no satire. Here's a real advertisement for a
real product....
Stadium Pal
For when you're off to see, the
whizzer.
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