Steven Wright's Funniest Quotes

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A Funny Site of the Day with Mike Durrett


Although the once prominent stand-up comic is rarely seen, the Internet loves him, dedicating numerous pages to his offbeat mental doodlings and one-liners. Here are several sources with plentiful observations from the deadpan comedian.

A few jokes of Steven Wright:

• I have the oldest typewriter in the world. It types in pencil.
  
  
• Years ago, I worked in a natural, organic health food store in Seattle, Washington. One day a man walked in and asked, "If I can melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?" Two days later, I was fired for eating cotton candy and drinking straight Bosco on the job.
  
  
• Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright's Funniest Quotes
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