"You're never more than a click away from the most pure, non-toxic, aphysical (sic), vicarious, and above all, delicious smoke you've ever enjoyed," brags Lottridge about its online fix.
With this customizable solution, select the flavor, strength, length and duration of your smokes. You'll need a Javascript-enabled Netscape or IE browser, version 4.5 or higher, to pleasure yourself. Also, if you have an activated pop-up defeater, you may need to bypass it momentarily to get your cigarette lit.
Warning: Smoking may cause stains on your Windows or hacking in your Mac.
I kid. I made that up to hide my pain. I've spent a thousand bucks since I got hooked on Virtual Smoke Break. My wife makes me network it to the new computer in the backyard.