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Ask the King

Contact With Elvis Presley


After my previous interview with Elvis Presley via a mysterious Internet Ouija board, I've been hankering -- I used that word for Mr. Presley. He is a big hankerer. -- I've been hankering to contact Elvis and fire a few follow-up questions into the great beyond. Thanks to the mystics at MGM, we all may converse with our idol and actually hear his voice and tender loving, careful responses.

My computer is already on the "Ask the King" Web site. My Shockwave plug-in is eager, so let's speaketh to the Kingeth...

(Transcript of the actual conversation with Elvis Presley via the Ask the King Web site's technology follows, unfortunately, MGM has removed the Web page we accessed, so you won't be able to talk to Elvis at this time.)

Mike: Hello, Elvis, remember me?

Elvis: Forget it.

Mike: But, Elvis, I am your Guide to Humor.

Elvis: I think it stinks!

Mike: But, sir, our recent exchange was very well received. Another talk will help sell some more cheap crap with your picture on it.

Elvis: Oh, you know, I think you're right. That's a very good idea.

Mike: Is your Shockwave plug-in eager?

Elvis: You gotta dirty mind.

Mike: It's making the house payments--

Elvis: Restate the question.

Mike: A plug-in is a computer term.

Elvis: Nuts, absolutely nuts.

Mike: Um, let's move on. It ain't that dirty--

Elvis: You'd be surprised what you can do if you only try.

Mike: Elvis, where exactly are you?

Elvis: How the Hell do I know?!

Mike: Are you caught in a trap?

Elvis: You're putting me on.

Mike: ...You can't walk out?

Elvis: You gotta be kidding, man.

Mike: ...Because you love me too much, baby?

Elvis: You scare me.

Mike: May I give you a little peace offering?

Elvis: Nope.

Mike: I made you a sandwich.

Elvis: WHOAH! You said the magic word.

Mike: Peanut butter and banana--

Elvis: Absolutely, yessir.

Mike: I could fry it--

Elvis: Burning love, baby, get on it...

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