Holiday Meat Cannon

The Funny Site of the Day -- Breaking news: "The holiday meat elf is ravenous. Load up your holiday meat cannon, and let the feast fly."

Golly! If we were to fling gargantuan flesh chunks at the carnivorous imp, would that make the world right? Do we need know-how on gravy trajectories? I want so much to help; may I, vegetarian that I am, work exclusively in the tofurkey?

So many questions, so little cranberries or other basic food groups in our arsenal / pantry, however we must adapt! C'mon, there are summer sausages, hams, turkeys, prime ribs, and smoked salmon to strategically aim and deliver to the profoundly past peckish pixie!

Play: Holiday Meat Cannon
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Pictured: This looks like a job for a rump roast. Photo credit: Stockbyte / Getty Images.

One more thing, is there really a professional calling for a "holiday meat elf?" My weekends are free....