When Hamsters Attack!

THE FUNNY SITE OF THE DAY -- Okay, kids, we can't always goof off around here. Let's get serious now. The FBH -- that's the Federal Bureau of Hamsters -- has issued its 10 Most Wanted Hamsters list, including profiles and cash rewards (sometimes in excess of 11 bucks). Be on the lookout for Mr. Squeaky, Spammy, Snowball, Fuzzy, Sulu, Ginger, Snuggles, Big Bertha, Oscar, and Fluffy. These perpetrators are considered legged and extremely dangerous, committing crimes ranging from eating homework without an invite to pooping on floors.

Other eye-opening features at "America's #1 Website for Hamster Attack Prevention" are an advice column ("Ask 'Squiggles the Hamster'"), "Hamster Attacks in the News" reports, and three video games to train you for the awfully cute, ferocious unknown (Hamster Highway, Sulu the Bionic Hamster, When Hamsters Attack 2000).

And the "Top 11 Ways to Avoid Hamster Attacks" primer is a must-read for every household. Beware, people, and be prepared. Here's a quote:

3) Never cover your entire body in Cheez-Whiz, then roll around in sunflower seeds.

Well, there goes my summer.

Protect Yourself: When Hamsters Attack!
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